How to Change Your Most Difficult Habits

The new year is slowly creeping up on us, and after the year we've all had, wow can we use a fresh start!

New Years brings with it a number of predictable things: anticipation, excitement....and new years' resolutions.

The most common new years' resolutions tend to involve habit change. Eating better, not drinking as much, quitting smoking, exercise, you name it. Habit change is front and center to new years' resolutions, and we're here to help.

Habit change is one topic I'm personally passionate about because so much of our physical and mental behavior is driven by habits. Change your habits, change your life.

The Problem

The problem is that most people miss one simple step in the habit change process, making it significantly more likely they'll fail in changing their habits.

In this post, you'll learn what that step is and how you can avoid skipping over it to set yourself up for much more success in the new year.

What is a habit?

To fully understand the importance of this oftentimes missing step, you first need to understand the anatomy of a habit.

Habits have 3 components: 

• A cue
• The behavior itself
• And a reward

Over time, our minds learn that certain behaviors (e.g., smoking) will get us a reward (e.g., reduction in anxiety). Furthermore, they learn to associate certain cues with the absence of the reward (e.g., getting in your car).

A fundamental thing you need to understand about your mind is that it's a problem-solving machine. Habits are one major way it solves problems.

Your mind recognizes that you're missing out on or lacking a reward, and it attempts to get you that reward by doing the behavior that's reliably gotten you the reward in the past.

The behavior itself (smoking) isn't the reward. The behavior is what we do to get the reward (reduction in anxiety).

Here's the thing, the cue is what tells your mind that you're missing out on a reward.

Without the cue, the whole equation falls apart and your habit disappears.

Find your cues

Most people have no idea what the cues of their habit are. They set the new years' resolution to stop smoking and immediately try to grit their way through it.

And they fail.

My initial piece of advice for people trying to stop a 'bad habit' is always the same: spend time at the beginning learning your cues.

Don't skip this step. 

Before you dive in and attempt to use willpower to change your habit, set yourself up for success by learning and understanding the cues that make you want to do the behavior in the first place.

How to find your cues

Before you begin trying to change your habit, spend a few weeks paying attention to what the cues of that habit are.

Cues come in a variety of forms, but here are some of the most common:

• Time - I always get the urge to smoke first thing in the morning
• Location - I always get the urge to smoke when I get in my car
• Preceding event - I always get the urge to smoke after I've eaten a meal
• Emotional state - I always get the urge to smoke when I'm bored / anxious / etc.
• Other people - I always get the urge to smoke when I'm around my friend who also smokes

Spend some time in 'personal ethnography,' which is just a fancy way of saying, observe your own behavior and urges and attempt to diagnose what cues might be present that signaled your mind that you're missing out on a reward.

The more you do this, the more you'll see common cues pop up.

The more clearly you understand your own cues, the more ready you'll be to anticipate and work through the urge to engage in the bad habit the next time it arises.